thebigbox

Ever wonder why your friendly neighborhood BBS (Big Box Store, not bulletin board system) doesn't use the overhead paging system? Seems that they did them a study! Apparently TBBS's most frequent customer is the middle aged woman. It would appear that, according to the study now, she doesn't like loud noises like those that come off the loudspeakers. So, we wear walkies - but not all of us. Each department has maybe - maybe - two of them. If I am needed somewhere and I'm not wearing my department's walkie, the one who is has to stop what she or he is doing and hunt me down to relay the message.

The suck here is that now the customer see us clutching the button clipped to our shirts and apparently talking to ourselves.

"Jill, you there? Where's the jerk seasoning?" while staring at the potato chips like a goof.

So, that's fun.

A little boy wandered off from his parents Sunday evening. In those situations company policy is for everyone on the floor to stop what they're doing and look in their immediate area for the kid. Eventually the child was found and all was well, untill . . .

A shrill voice pierced the air like a high powered accordion, immediately forcing all and sundry to pay attention at the same time they attempt to protect their ears, as well as their souls. "I HATE YOU FOREVER! I HATE YOU FOREVER! I HATE YOU FOREVER!" wailed through the deep sobs of an existential crisis turning horrid and I imagine punctuated with flailing limbs fired salvo style in any  and every direction. Those of us in grocery thought that our lost child had been found by someone who was not entitled to him and that the kid was having none of it. A voice over the walkie (we are not allowed to use the loudspeakers for paging anymore. That's fodder for a later date.) told us that all was actually well, the screaming child, whom I named Yelpor of the Plains, was not the kid who got lost, but rather some kid just throwing a tantrum. Over what we never found out.

After Yelpor and his handlers left the store all was still for approximately twelve seconds when a howl of deepest anguish erupted from directly behind me. Here's something interesting I bet those of you without children didn't know: some little kids, when being pushed in a stroller or one of those racecar carts like to lean way over to the side and run their hands over the floor. I suppose it's interesting to feel the floor move as they go by. Some of them also like to feel the wheels of the cart or stroller turn. Which apparently was the case in this instance. The problem with that is that the parents, busy with shopping and probably not paying the best attention to their precious bags of piercing shrill, might accidentally run over a finger. Which happened directly behind me. It occured to me that a throat that small and similarly small lungs don't really need much air to alert all and sundry that something bad had just happened, and you - defined in this case as everyone in the store - are now going to hear chapter and inarticulate verse about it.

Kid didn't get hurt badly, but he did get his finger pinched and a blood blister instantly popped up. That means management has to get involved, as that can be considered an injured customer. I found out later that according to the rules of the house, we were not at fault as the only thing we provided in that mess was the floor. It was their stroller that they chose to bring into the store, blah blah blah. Friggin' litigious society we're in these days.

Thus far:

• I have come to loathe heelies with a white hot fury. Mostly because a fat kid just barely missed me the other day, opting instead to bash merrily into the display of canned vegetables I spent half an hour building. Heelies suck.
• I have come to realize that, yes, The Big Box Store (TBBS from now on) does not really hire the best and brightest the local market has to offer.
• This job actually wouldn't be all that bad, if it weren't for the coworkers and the customers.

Soul Status: As Yet Uncrushed.

A short list of irritants

• The couple from obviously not around here who bought upwards of twenty pairs of shoes. That's not so bad by itself. It's that they took every pair of shoes out of their boxes, had me bag them, and once the transaction was done, left all the boxes on my counter.
• The customer who insisted on going through my line even though there were twenty pairs of boxes on my counter.
• The co-worker who gave me an order. Not a request, didn't ask me to do returns, TOLD me to. "You know that guy that you're in charge of that you can order around? I'm the other guy." Totally should have said that.
• I don't think babies like big box stores very much.

And that was yesterday. Today should be even more fun!